Stars, come back.

Dear God,

I know You can help me and I can turn to You, but I know that I resist resist resist, though finally I will succumb to Your mercy.

I love You...

----------------------

I want to turn myself over in bed and bury my head in the pillow and cry myself to sleep. A dark film passes across my mind and I moan because I know now it means I have to claw harder to find my way back into whatever is praiseworthy and excellent. A whirlpool of torment that I've possibly created for myself. I look at you and wonder if you can feel or know how deep one can fall within and soar without. But in return I smile because it's a beautiful form of disarmament. I want to be silent, remote and aloof. Yearning, yearning, each time brings death. I want to shut myself in and weep. It's inexplicable and comes with the darkness of night. The stars and the moon are normally there for me to remind me of that glimmer of light but tonight they fail. In their place is a hazy maroon sky that is precisely hazy and murky. Just like me inside. It bleeds red. Red that mixes with black, black darkness. Inky darkness that pulls out slowly from their circle edge.

But tomorrow when I wake with the morning the sky will be blue with the winking sun, and I'll wonder why once again I've let myself slip into the cracks of this selfchosen path. The path is framed with whimsical trees whose branches overhang, but there are cracks. Jagged cracks. Sometimes, if I skip fast and blissfully enough in the day, I might miss them in the night.

Dark night. Goodnight.